


Everything I Wanted

by Nikaya



Series: SoRiku Week 2019 [6]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21783859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikaya/pseuds/Nikaya
Summary: Riku recalls why he did was he did and feels the weight of his guilt. Sora is there for him. | Inspired by "Everything I Wanted" by Billie Eilish | Day 7 of SoRiku Week 2019 - Curse
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: SoRiku Week 2019 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564684
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Everything I Wanted

Everything I Wanted

  


“This is my decision.”

  


That was what I told everyone.

  


I told Namine when she asked why I chose to keep my screw up memories, both real and fake instead of sleeping.

  


I told DiZ when he asked why I would choose to keep the darkness inside me rather than let it all go in a forgotten past.

  


I told myself to remind myself why I still fight. I keep it in… to save  _ him _ .

  


So when I finally knew he would be there, in Hollow Bastion, I rushed at the Heartless to get Kairi through, but I swore to myself that I would fade back into the shadows when I was no longer needed. I would still fight on the side of light but never reveal myself to Sora again.

  


I was prepared to sacrifice myself to save him. But what I wasn’t prepared for was sacrificing any chance I ever had to be by his side again.

  


Hearing Sora refer to me as Ansem on my way out was the hardest thing I’d ever heard or ever will hear. With whatever semblance of a heart I had left, it shattered. The physical pain I felt as any hope I had that Sora might accept me after everything I’d done - in spite of myself and knowing I’d never earned it - was suffocating.

  


I chanced a look back at him when Kairi grabbed my hand.

  


What his eyes alone do to me is something I’d never been quite able to describe until that moment.

  


Where my own eyes - teal and crystalline - have always made me see caves and darkness in my heart, Sora’s eyes - blue as the endless sky - force me to look up, to look toward the light.

  


When recognition blossomed in those eyes and he dropped to his knees, calling out to me, my resolve broke down.

  


When he begged me,  _ crying _ , on his knees, I knew I was an idiot. But the warmth that spread through my veins was enough to make me feel something again, something purely  _ visceral  _ for the first time since knowing his memories would be restored over a year ago.

  


I couldn’t understand… would  _ never _ understand… why Sora would forgive me in that moment.

  


Then in the Realm of Darkness when I gave up, told him we could stay because the World of Light was finally at peace, and that we could be the darkness together, he had accepted that. He accepted that we were somehow the  _ same.  _ And yet, he pressed on, carried me back into the Light.

  


A few days after our reunion with Kairi on Destiny Islands was when it happened for the first time.

  


I had woken up from a nightmare… a tragedy of my own design from when I fell to the Darkness the first time.

  


Sora was dead.

  


I gasped, clutching my chest, remembering everything that had actually transpired; I’d come back from the brink. So why were my hands shaking?

  


I reached for my Gummiphone and sent Sora a quick text before slipping on my jacket and boots, heading to the beach.

  


The stars were bright overhead as I sat on the tree, my feet dangling and my breath still shallow when I heard Sora’s footsteps. I swallowed as my chest tightened when I’d realized I’d made a mistake.

  


“I’m sorry,” I said hurriedly. “You can go home. I just… It was stupid.” But the way my voice cracked betrayed me.

  


“Riku….” he coaxed softly, stepping forward and turning around the trunk of the tree. He looked up at me, his eyes searching, and I had to tear my gaze away as I scrubbed the tears off my face.

  


“Please… just leave me. I’m sorry I made you come all the way out here. I just… I’m sorry….”

  


When I was met with silence, I peeked over my shoulder only to be met with Sora’s outstretched hand.

  


My jaw tightened but I felt myself slip down off the tree and stand in front of Sora. I looked away and hugged my arms into my chest for a moment.

  


He waited, his hand still out.

  


Finally, I met his gaze, and he had to audacity to  _ smile _ at me. I bit down hard into my lip and took a step forward. Slowly, with bated breath, I leaned forward and rested my head on his shoulder. When he wrapped his arms around me, the sobs became uncontrollable.

  


Even as I sank down to my knees, muttering  _ I’m sorry _ ’s over and over into his chest, he came down with me, holding me, waiting for the storm of emotion to pass. He only held me tighter as I broke down. He never questioned, never pushed, never scolded. He was just there until it passed, and we held onto each other as though to make up for all of that time lost long after the shaking ceased and the stars faded into daybreak.

  


He would always bring on the weight of dawn.

  
  


  


* * *

  


  


Thanks for reading! Find my socials [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/linktr.ee/TrainerNick)!


End file.
